I Finally Know What I Want

All I want in this life, no matter how big I am, is to be happy, live my life to the fullest, and impact as many people as I can. The End.

4.0

OK so i look @ my non official transcript today and my accumulated GPA is 2.24 so in order for me to bring my GPA up to something respectable I'm going to have to get a 4.0 this semester ... i think i can be done ... if my mom can raise 4 kids work full time and get a 4.0 in school ... i can too working , and training for a triathlon... I only got here by laziness NO excuses this semester i know I'm capable of A's I've been slacking for far too long ... wish me luck!
-Gel

FAIL....

eating chips and salsa b4 bed ... fail! try again tomorrow...
-gel

Be a better me...

Today I bought a 4 inch thick memory foam thing to go on my bed bc it was awful ... it's all part of the plan to be a better me ... sleeping through the night makes me more efficient in all i do ... i hope :-)
-Gel

My ONE Day Off.......

So….I didn’t run tonight or do any exercise of any kind. I pigged out at dinner and was too tired to work out. HOWEVER I am allowed one free day to go off the wagon a little and take a break from working out. Let me tell you, I have been working out all week and pushing through my pain and I am VERY proud of myself! Even when I was sore, I pushed through it and worked out. I will have to work out tomorrow and Sunday because I didn’t do anything tonight but that’s fine. I can’t get in shape overnight and my body deserves a break. Believe Me.

OKOKOK Fine! I feel like crap for eating a lot tonight when I didn’t have to because I wasn’t hungry. It’s just that all week I have no time to eat and I would like to enjoy my food. Now that I got the crappy crap foods out of the way tonight…I will be fed up with all of it for the rest of the week.

               I am so excited to be in shape for the Triathlon though!!!!! I can’t wait to be proud of the accomplishment J I have a long road, but you could you imagine what I will look like being in shape enough to complete it?!??!?! I will hopefully be close to my goal weight!!!!

On a side note….my little brother stole the scale because he was sick of me talking about it………LOL

MCR

FINISH LINE

I want to do this Triathlon in June and I want to cross the finish line!!!!! It doesn't matter how long it takes to finish....as long as I finish!!!!!!!!!! People underestimate me and say I couldn't do it---how amazing would it be to have them watch me cross the finish line?!?!?!! What an amazing feeling!

I dream of this..........

It hasn't happened yet. I don't know how much longer or if it will ever happen. I don't know where he is or if I will ever love someone.......and if that person will even love me back. It's hard to imagine experiencing this and not being scared of abandonment (but I can't wait :-) It's hard to picture someone loving me---all of me. Faults, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, the fact that I will never be a size 8...........I don't know how to expect something like that.

 BUT

I can't wait to finally be in love with the man I will spend my life with. I can't wait to meet the man who will become my best friend, fiance, husband, spiritual leader, and father of my children.

He will be a gift, a representation of God's love for me :-D


MCR

NO IF, JUST WHEN---

Here's the thing......it doesn't matter what the scale says. It doesn't matter how long it takes. What matters is my attitude while I'm on this journey.

I AM going to exercise 5-6  times a week. I AM going to get stronger regardless of what the scale says. MORE MUSCLE = MORE FAT BURNED DURING CARDIO.

"The more muscle mass you have, the less fat, because muscle and fat don't like living together"- Bob Harper 

It may take me years, but I WILL get down to 165 lbs. I will---there is no room for "if", just WHEN!

ON A SIDE NOTE::

Enjoy!

-MCR

Honesty

Sometimes when i'm all alone I get to thinking about all sorts of things this morning I found myself thinking about honesty.  Imagine how amazing the world would be it everyone was honest with themselves and honest with each other ... Personally for me I need people to be strait up with me I don't catch on to hints, and don't beat around the bush telling me things because that really annoys the heck out of me ... I like people who are strait up and honest with every word they say because then nobody is left in the dark trying to figure out what things mean ... Honest with themselves can be very hard ... thinking honestly where will life take me if i stay on a certain track? or where will i go in life if i keep acting like or doing this? just because you like somthing so much doesn't mean it's good for you just like just because you hate it so much doesnt mean it's bad for you ,,,, Just be honest with yourself BC you will only be helping yourself in the end ...
-Gel

In a Funk

I am totally in a funk the last couple days. Aside from the obvious....I am so discouraged!!! I eat good and I workout 6 times a week and what?! NO WEIGHT LOSS. ZERO WEIGHT LOSS. ZIP. NODDA. DIDDLY SQUAT. I just want to get this stupid weight off my body before I go insane. I just want to see some kind of result! Gosh. If I have to be invisible, I at least want to NOT look like I am having triplets on the front and back of my body. SMH.

Security Guard ...

My mother is trying to set me up with this security guard at her job and i finally went into her work today to see what all the fuss was about... all i can say is WOW! He is absolutely GORGEOUS, and seems really nice... Momma knows best ... right? lol :-D

*EXHALES*

I can feel myself getting restless......I am trying to stay focused on others, but I find my thoughts slipping back to myself. I just want to be in love!!! I want somebody to love, think about, go out on dates with, and the whole 9 yards. Why am I so invisible?!?!

I really wrestled with posting this in fear of seeming desperate, but I'm not. The truth is, I've had plenty of relationship and plenty of people interested in me, but none of them clicked for me. I don't want to settle. I don't even let my mind think on men I know aren't the right ones. Which leaves me where I am at....I don't like anybody. I have feelings for absolutely no man--which is weird because I am always crushing on at least someone. However, for the last couple of months....nobody makes my heart skip a beat or gives me butterflies in my stomach. I miss that.

I don't know where He is...but I can't wait to see him smile...........

Is there a such thing as "a good man"?!?!

how can someone be with someone for 10 years and say I only got married bc I felt obligated, and thennnnn get married and be with this person for another 10 years and decide this was the worst mistake of his life ... when 10 years b4 there weren't kids in the equation ... do men think??? ... like ... he said he didn't wanna get married ... he should of ended it at the 10 year mark been depressed for a while and then got over it and moved on... now we have another broken home in the world ... JUST ANOTHER DAY AT WORK as a hairdresser / therapist...

NEWS FLASH

Online Dating is dumb ... I just couldn't do it ... It's been 2 days and i deleted my account and not bc i wasn't getting a lot of feedback I was ... idk ... I just hate dating ... It's so AWKWARD and dumb ...

SMH------It's NOT a diet.....it's a "LIFE CHANGE"

I need to vent. I don't care what you call it...."a life change", "a diet", "watching your wait", "changing your habits". The bottom line is---IT SUCKS. Sure in the end it will pay off and it makes you feel tighter and committed to something, but why does it have to be so hard?!?!

Actually, I could probably put up with the eating better thing (due to the fact that I have developed a face full of acne b/c of Christmas sugar) but the exercise is what KILLS me. I hate it. I used to love it. Now, I dread it---and I have only been doing it consistently for a week. <Don't Judge Me> I used to be consistent but I stopped for a while.....(3 weeks-WHELP)

Angelica is doing AMAZING and so it is motivating me, but UGH. I'm just going to suck up these feelings of negativity until February 28th, at which time I will weight myself. If I stay consistent and still fail to lose AT LEAST 16 lbs. I'll be utterly disappointed.

ANYWAYS---these are the workouts I rotate with Running and eventually swimming/biking:

Miserable????? YESSSSS---THEY ARE AWFUL. I guess we will see if it is all worth it.........

MCR

Dead End...

Sooo here I am hanging out with my sister and she is going on and on about her date she has tomorrow and i ask her how she met him and she tells me about this website Plenty Of Fish . COM and i blow it off then later on she shows me the website and tells me about the people she has met and the people she doesn't want to meet and here i am with no one so what to i do ... yes ... i am now a member plentyoffish.com ... here we go ... lol