Valentines Day Passed ...

Valentines Day is over and surprisingly I wasn't depressed.  I just listened to love music all day and i made me happy for all the people in love and i know some day I will feel the joy that i  see my friends have and hear in songs and see in movies .... someday :-) ... I'm still listening to love music all day today too <3 <3 <3 Love is so amazing!!!
-Gel

I see sunshine on a cloudy day ...

Yea i was in a black hole in my mind for a couple days... i hate when that happens ... i think it’s because stupid valentine’s day is coming and stupid love movies ... I got all depressed because i see and hear about all these people so happy and in love and bla bla bla and here I am another year alone without someone ... I feel like i have all this love to give and no one to give it too ... I feel invisible to the male race ... and it doesn’t matter how many women , family members or my gay friends call me beautiful ... it only really makes you feel beautiful when someone who is attractive and strait and amazing calls you beautiful ... and there are no prospects in site ... and then my thoughts go deeper into the dark hole where i realize none has ever really wanted me and it does get sad to think about ... and all at the same time I’m terrified of Love yet so obsessed with it at the same time ugh I’m fricken crazy lol .... but then after i cry myself to sleep for a couple nights I talk myself into being happy again by telling myself I’m too busy to worry about these thing and that i need to focus on my fitness and getting out of school .... So now I’m over it ... and happy again :-) I don’t need to be wanted to be happy as long as i like myself and where I’m going so far ... I see some sunshine :-) 

I Finally Know What I Want

All I want in this life, no matter how big I am, is to be happy, live my life to the fullest, and impact as many people as I can. The End.

4.0

OK so i look @ my non official transcript today and my accumulated GPA is 2.24 so in order for me to bring my GPA up to something respectable I'm going to have to get a 4.0 this semester ... i think i can be done ... if my mom can raise 4 kids work full time and get a 4.0 in school ... i can too working , and training for a triathlon... I only got here by laziness NO excuses this semester i know I'm capable of A's I've been slacking for far too long ... wish me luck!
-Gel

FAIL....

eating chips and salsa b4 bed ... fail! try again tomorrow...
-gel

Be a better me...

Today I bought a 4 inch thick memory foam thing to go on my bed bc it was awful ... it's all part of the plan to be a better me ... sleeping through the night makes me more efficient in all i do ... i hope :-)
-Gel

My ONE Day Off.......

So….I didn’t run tonight or do any exercise of any kind. I pigged out at dinner and was too tired to work out. HOWEVER I am allowed one free day to go off the wagon a little and take a break from working out. Let me tell you, I have been working out all week and pushing through my pain and I am VERY proud of myself! Even when I was sore, I pushed through it and worked out. I will have to work out tomorrow and Sunday because I didn’t do anything tonight but that’s fine. I can’t get in shape overnight and my body deserves a break. Believe Me.

OKOKOK Fine! I feel like crap for eating a lot tonight when I didn’t have to because I wasn’t hungry. It’s just that all week I have no time to eat and I would like to enjoy my food. Now that I got the crappy crap foods out of the way tonight…I will be fed up with all of it for the rest of the week.

               I am so excited to be in shape for the Triathlon though!!!!! I can’t wait to be proud of the accomplishment J I have a long road, but you could you imagine what I will look like being in shape enough to complete it?!??!?! I will hopefully be close to my goal weight!!!!

On a side note….my little brother stole the scale because he was sick of me talking about it………LOL

MCR